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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686528">it melts, it burns, it fades away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitkwan/pseuds/moonlitkwan'>moonlitkwan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>falling for u [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a sad ending, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Death, Hopeful Ending, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:49:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686528</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitkwan/pseuds/moonlitkwan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Joshua was holding a candle in his hand.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hong Jisoo | Joshua &amp; Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>falling for u [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>it melts, it burns, it fades away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joshua was holding a candle in his hand.</p>
<p>It was peculiar, the male admitted, as he could not feel heat coming from the said object, couldn't feel any pain with the way the heat lingered close to his fingers and instead, it gave him a comforting ambience in a way that Joshua himself wished he could explain. He also wished that somebody could explain to him how the candle was still burning in spite of the cold wind brushing off against him.</p>
<p>The male felt no burn, couldn't feel the heat the candle was burning out even though that he should've felt it - needed to feel it as any human being would be able to do so. Even a small sting would've mattered, as he remembered how sensitive he was to these type of things yet Joshua felt nothing but the tranquil atmosphere past by him, his heart alike with the wind that was calm and at ease.</p>
<p>And even though the strange thought was glued to his mind, thoughts laced with nothing else but curiosity and questions in need of answers that he himself couldn't find, Joshua couldn't lay his hand at that matter because everything that was tucked inside of his mind was thrown to the nearest corner in the given moment when his eyes fell upon Jeonghan, tired and thinner than the last time he saw him but to Joshua, the latter was still as beautiful as ever.</p>
<p>When Jeonghan was already infront of him, his back slouched and a frown curved onto his lips,  Joshua thought that he would be greeted with his favourite smile or that he'd be showered with kisses but he was greeted instead with nothing but the silence itself, all the serenity Joshua had shared with the night sky vanished into the darkness and all he could hear was the aggressive breathing his lover had.</p>
<p>Jeonghan stood there, breathing heavily, as if he was desperately trying to chase a breath that was running away from him. He spared no word to Joshua and had his gaze lingered instead on the ground beneath them, refusing to look into the latter's eyes as if he harbored a secret.</p>
<p>"H-hey J-joshua," Jeonghan placed down something on the ground afterwards, his voice wavering and faltering at the sound of Joshua's name escaping his lips. But with his head finally held up, eyes meeting the former's glistening jewels,  Jeonghan forced himself to continue with a smile strained on his lips, "how are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm fine, Hannie." The candle felt heavy in Joshua's hand. It was slowly melting. "You?"</p>
<p>"I miss you like crazy," Jeonghan's words were laced with no hesitation, and even though the male's voice drifted off into a faint mumble, Joshua could still hear the sincerity and the vulnerability that colored his confession. "Can you just come back home?"</p>
<p>"Come back to me." Jeonghan murmured out, and it wasn't a question. It was a demand, a request, a heartful plea, but Joshua couldn't find the words that he wanted to say. He couldn't find himself the peace that he wanted in spite of the silence surrounding them.</p>
<p>For his thoughts were nothing but a scattered mess, a jigsaw puzzle that was missing its pieces. It was hard to differentiate what was real and what was not, what made sense and what did not, what he should do and what he should've done but all Joshua could think about was how he wanted to feel Jeonghan in his arms again. </p>
<p>The candle was melting.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry." And in the end, those were the only words Joshua could utter out, the words that his tongue was wholeheartedly familiar with. A tear was rolled over his cheek but it wasn't enough to pour out the fire that was burning in his grasp.</p>
<p>"I know," Jeonghan breathed through gritted teeth, eyes glazing against the moonlight. Tears started to drip out from the said male's eyes, but no sobs fell out from his mouth as he tried to keep all those unsaid feelings and untold words he bore at bay. Jeonghan stood there, with his eyes on Joshua, crying silently but the latter couldn't do anything but stand in front of him too, with his heart up on his sleeve and a candle weighing heavily in his hand. "That everything ended up like this but I just want you to know that you'll always be my favourite person."</p>
<p>It melts.</p>
<p>"How is Seungcheol?" Joshua dared himself to say, managing to form words without his voice wavering off into a soft murmur or to crack in between sobs he knew he'd emit out soon, but even if his voice slipped off into a faint whisper in the end, the male knew that he didn't need to repeat it again, as he was sure that Jeonghan already knew what was echoing inside his mind, as if he had the power to read Joshua's thoughts out loud.</p>
<p>"Seungcheol is...." A sigh was slipped out of the male's mouth, a hand tucked into a pocket before words dissolved the tranquility of the area and exiled out the silence into a void of darkness. "He is doing fine. Better than me, actually."</p>
<p>Joshua couldn't help but wonder how was his best friend doing. And even though Joshua couldn't mutter out his curiosity and concern, Jeonghan already knew what to say.</p>
<p>"Seokmin has his own bakery now, love. It had always been his dream, right?" Joshua nodded as a smile was carved down onto his lips. He felt the wind pass by him, and he felt peace flush down upon him, at ease that at least one of his friends managed to accomplish their dreams. Or maybe everyone did, except himself.</p>
<p>Joshua could feel happiness erupting inside of him, filling his heart with warmth and fondness. His head was bombarded with an onslaught of memories that were still so vivid for him but in spite of the overwhelming emotions he was feeling, there was rather something that was tugging the knots down of his own heart and was clawing his mind out in the hopes to drive the male out to insanity, it was something Joshua couldn't quite grasp on but as a beat of silence pass by them, Jeonghan falling silent as Joshua tried to challenge the turmoil inside of him, the former didn't need another second for him to realize that it was a feeling that he was so familiar with.</p>
<p>It was longingness.</p>
<p>"I wish I could see it." Joshua whispered, eyes trailing down to the candle he was holding.</p>
<p>Jeonghan murmured. "I wish you could see it." </p>
<p>It burns.</p>
<p>"Don't worry about your brother, love. Chan is doing really well in school and we're all proud of him. I know you are too." Jeonghan tried to beam out a smile to comfort themselves, but it ended up looking like a grimace. To Joshua, it looked like Jeonghan was trying to convince himself that he was happy and that made him want to ease out the other's pain and reassure to him that things were going to be alright, but maybe that lie could burn themselves more than the candle that he had on his hand right now. And it was definitely going to hurt and leave a lot of unhealable scars and wounds.</p>
<p>"Seungkwan is currently now in Australia, but he still keeps in touch with us, especially with Vernon," Jeonghan continued. "And speaking of Vernon, he's well...he's holding it better than any of us. He still struggles with you not around anymore, both in class and out of it, he misses you, we all miss you, you know?"</p>
<p>"I know." Joshua sighed, he could feel the coldness of the wind, the numbness on his heart but he still couldn't feel the heat that the candle was emitting out. "I miss him too. All of you."</p>
<p>"I miss you so much, love." Jeonghan's eyes lingered on Joshua's tombstone. "I still love you." </p>
<p>"I'll come back everyday," Jeonghan firmly said, sincerity coloring his words as he gazed at Joshua's tombstone the whole time. "I'll always visit you. So wait for me, okay? Wait for me, because I'll always come back to you. I'll see you soon."</p>
<p>Joshua nodded, even though he knew Jeonghan couldn't see him. Joshua answered, even though he knew Jeonghan couldn't hear him. </p>
<p>Joshua looked down onto the candle he was holding, it was melting, and was about to die in any second that he wasn't counting.</p>
<p>"I'll always wait for you, Jeonghan." Joshua breathed with his eyes fluttered shut as the weight on his hand was suddenly lifted off, and when he opened them back, Joshua could see the silhouette of Jeonghan walking away from his tombstone. Joshua smiled, because he knew that Jeonghan would always come back. He would always come back to him. So Joshua sat on his tombstone and waited, the candle weighing like a feather in his hand.</p>
<p>The wind blew for one last time.</p>
<p>The candle melted.</p>
<p>It faded away.</p>
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